Karen James, LCSW-C, Manager, Adult Therapy Services, Jewish Community Services

Both Myth and Science offer explanations of our world and our experiences in it. In ancient cultures, myths were invented stories created to explain otherwise inexplicable events and occurrences. Humans always want to know why. Listen to any three-year-old —or perhaps to adult conversations where we each explain it all to each other (sometimes called monologues!). We want to know WHY and we want to KNOW why. Sometimes our desire to KNOW leads us to accept beliefs which should be better examined.

Myths and misunderstandings about substance abuse and addiction too often cause harm to those facing such issues—whether one is affected directly by addiction itself, or loving someone who deals with addiction. Their hope for recovery and sobriety can be stolen from them by these biases and prejudices. Certainly many beliefs cut them off from others and leave them isolated and alone in their struggle.

The science of addiction has made great strides in recent years, but have we kept up? What are some of these myths about addiction? What is their harmful impact? What is the rational, scientific “take” on some of these myths?

MYTH:  Addiction is a failure of will-power.

HARM: Addicts may be chastised by themselves or others as weak. They may try to keep using only will-power to recover, but will-power does not work on diseases.

SCIENCE:  Addiction is now understood to have real physiological impact on the brain, actually changing how it operates. Addiction processes take place in a part of the brain that is not under conscious control (the mesolimbic dopamine system).  Recovery demands consistent hard work, and the process of reaching it is worthy of respect.

MYTH:  Addicts are different from us.  They are (choose your pejorative) crazy, low-class, stupid, lazy, even bad people.

HARM: Risky behavior may be tolerated and early addiction signs missed because “that doesn’t happen to people like us.”  Also, believing prejudices or bigotries about oneself or one’s group does not empower a person to change course.

SCIENCE: Addicts may have a genetic predisposition, but they are the same as everyone else. Addicts come from every class, ethnicity, religion, or other category you can describe. Addiction is now understood to be a brain disease. Different effects may be caused by different substances, but the resulting anatomical, electrical and chemical changes within the brain are the same. Molecules and cells actually change with continued use.

The good news? With sustained effort and hard work, they can change back to better functioning brains.

MYTH: People choose to become addicts.

HARM: “How can she be so incredibly selfish?” “How can I ever forgive myself for what I have done?”  “Why does my child hate me so much to cause all this pain?”  Harsh judgments are made about addicts, and this does not encourage recovery.  Hopelessness feeds the disease and causes more pain for families.

SCIENCE: People may choose to experiment with drugs or alcohol. For some, however, there is an invisible line between recreation and addiction. Usually that line is only detectable in hindsight. After it is crossed, substance use is no longer under an individual’s conscious control. The changes in the brain have taken over and deeply affect a person’s decision-making processes. Choice is no longer an operative concept.  Treatment helps people deal with cravings while making the changes in cognition and behavior that re-create the brain and re-establish a life.

MYTH:  Relapses and repeated attempts at rehabilitation show that there is no hope for recovery.

HARM: Stealing hope again — and not accurate.  This myth may cause families and friends to pull away when they are most needed.

SCIENCE: The Big Book from Alcoholics Anonymous is a good source here, calling addiction “a cunning and baffling disease.”  Science would call it a chronic disease with relapse rates similar to those for other chronic illnesses, such as hypertension, diabetes, and asthma.  Relapse can be expected, but so can a return to sobriety. It is more helpful to understand the vulnerabilities and triggers that were part of the relapse, and to use this event as a way to learn more. Different people may need different approaches to fit their issues. Many people go through several rehabilitation programs. The idea is never to give up.

If you or someone close to you is struggling with addiction, think about your assumptions.  If we can sort out the myths from the science, we will create a more supportive emotional and intellectual environment for real recovery.  And we will do no harm.

By Karen James, LCSW-C, Manager, Adult Therapy Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles please visit our home page or call 410-466-9200.

Alison Dodge, Development Coordinator, Jewish Community Services

At a family gathering over the weekend, my sister brought a recently purchased copy of Goodnight iPad,  a parody of the children’s classic Goodnight Moon.  As parents of toddlers, we all browsed the pages, laughing at the updated “goodnight iPhone, goodnight charger…” text and graphics.  However, while a part of me saw the humor in the book, and I admit, recognized how my own 3 and 5 year olds are more familiar with the terms “iPhone” and “iPad” than they are with a “bowl full of mush,”  a part of me was also saddened by the realization.

The next week, I shared this with a group of co-workers, who recalled similar conversations with family members over the loss of bedtime stories as a ritual among today’s children.  In fact, a recent story in the “New York Times” even covered it.  I’ll be the first to admit that it’s great to have electronic devices at the ready to tell my children stories, or keep them entertained in waiting rooms, store lines, or while I’m cooking dinner.  I would even advocate for the benefits of many e-games and stories, and say they’ve improved my children’s comprehension of letters, shapes, and numbers.  And I, along with many other parents I know, are often shocked (and quietly proud) at how easily my toddlers pick up electronic devices and seem to have a natural knack for using them.

However, reading – real books – to my children is a cherished bedtime ritual as well, and one that I am disappointed to hear people argue is no longer the “norm.”  As we delve further and further into the realm of gadgetry, e-reading, and always being “connected,” I think it’s ok that parenting and storytelling shift along with the times. As all generations note, everything in moderation. However, I agree that important rituals of reading, telling bedtime stories, and even visiting local libraries on a regular basis are childhood staples my generation must not lose.

So, in the spirit of celebrating the value of reading real books and stories to children today, and into the future, I asked a few Jewish Community Services staff members for their favorite “suggested” bedtime reading for young children (in addition to listing a few of my own):

-          Goodnight Moon, by Margaret Wise Brown

-          Time for Bed, by Mem Fox

-          The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams

-           If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (or any If You Give books), by Laura Numeroff

-          Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch

-          Jamberry, by Bruce Degan

Here’s to that antiquated parenting ritual of opening up a book, turning real pages, and allowing our imaginations to wander along with our children’s – even if our iPhones are charging in the next room…

By Alison Dodge, Development Coordinator, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Questions about parenting?  Send an email to parenttalk@jcsbaltimore.org.  For more information on parenting click here or call 410-466-9200.

Mary Blake, Senior Manager, Career Services, Jewish Community Services

When I think of a mentor, I have fond thoughts of my first female boss who, without maybe knowing it, helped shape my work persona and get my career kick-started.  She had herself moved up into a position of authority and power that I envied and wanted to be in someday.  I would like to think that maybe I reminded her of her younger self: motivated, enthusiastic, untainted by bureaucracy and micromanagement.   However it happened, we were drawn to each other for support and encouragement and we shared a similar work ethic.

Not everyone may have had the positive experience that I did with a supervisor at an early professional age, but there is always the chance to look for this type of support in the workplace, or to become the one supporting another.  There is no clear instruction manual on how to become the ideal employee or how to perfectly guide your career up a steady path.  But one thing there is certainly plenty of in the world of work is opportunity.  We all have the opportunity to observe the world around us and to choose the parts of it that make us feel good and inspire us to grow and succeed.  And it is other individuals whom we observe, whether supervisors, co-workers, vendors or clients, who can teach us without even knowing it.

Now there are many professional mentor programs for students, entrepreneurs, and recent graduates, but not all employers have structured programs like these.  Most of the time, you have to create your own opportunity by reaching out and asking for assistance, or notice when someone new needs help and offer your guidance.  These are the unofficial support networks that keep the workplace running smoothly and help generation after generation of new employees blossom into productive, capable, experienced workers.

If you find yourself in a new job, struggling to learn the ropes, you may want to take a look around and find a co-worker who emulates the qualities that you desire to achieve.  If you are not sure who this may be, try setting up times to sit and observe several different co-workers perform their jobs, or ask a supervisor or experienced co-worker whom that person admires at work and why.  Before long you will start to recognize who seems to be able to do their job with finesse and ease.  The next step is to see if those people are willing to help you learn what made them so successful.  Offer to take these employees to lunch individually so you can learn about the work culture and history of your company, and about where they think the opportunities for growth lie.  Ask them about some of their recent achievements, and ask them for feedback on your work.  It is important to be open to suggestions and not think you have all the answers.  Most people love to give their advice to someone who makes them feel important!

If you feel that maybe you have topped out in your career or are working towards retirement, then you might be the one to reach out to newer staff to mentor them to achieve the successes that you have already enjoyed.  Is there someone you’ve noticed who seems like a younger version of yourself when you needed a helping hand or some advice?  Invite the person for coffee and find out his or her thoughts on the company’s training or orientation process.   If your company offers an organized mentor program, check into becoming a volunteer.  Although some corporately organized mentor programs are very successful, I believe that the best matches are ones we gravitate towards naturally.

Either way, you should take advantage of any opportunity to learn and grow in this age of corporate downsizing.  It is an invaluable way to expand your skills and knowledge, and a lifelong friendship may develop along the way!

By Mary Blake, Senior Manager, Career Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

JCS offers a full range of career services.  For more information about JCS Career services click here or call 410-466-9200.

Lauren Carpenter, Access Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Imagine this scenario: Your son is home from college for the weekend and he says he has something important to tell you. You take him out to lunch, and over the course of the meal, he tells you that he is gay. The moment he tells you, you may be at a loss for words. You love your son, but you may not know what to say.

In this situation, feeling a wide range of emotions, such as surprise, fear, anger, sadness, confusion, or relief, is totally natural, and can even be healthy.  Your culture, religion, political views and family history can add another layer of complicated feelings to the situation. Regardless, if you want to preserve the relationship you have with this person you care about, you will want to work through these emotions so that you can come to a place of acceptance, understanding and compassion.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you are ever in a situation where your child, a relative or a friend tells you that he or she is are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT):

• Remember that your loved one is confiding in you because he or she loves and trusts you, and wants to share this important piece of his/her life with you. Also remember that it has probably taken a lot of courage for this person to be able to talk with you about it.
• Get support from someone who has been there. PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) has a chapter in Baltimore that holds a monthly meeting for parents. By calling their hotline (443-255-1484) you can also speak with a parent of an LGBT child who can provide support and advice. The Baltimore chapter includes Jewish parents who are happy to speak with other Jewish families.
• Educate yourself about what it means to be lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered. PFLAG has a wealth of information on its website. Also look at Keshet, an organization that works for the full inclusion of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Jews in Jewish life.
• Try not to let labels like “gay” or “homosexual” color how you now see this person. Remind yourself that this is the same person inside, with the same personality, quirks, and strengths she or he had before revealing this new information.
• Remember that you are not alone. According to PFLAG, one in four families has an immediate family member who is LGBT, and most people have at least one LGBT individual in their extended circle of friends and family.
• If it is not possible for you to come to a place of acceptance or understanding, at least try to find a way to maintain a civil and respectful connection with the person. Doing your best to keep the lines of communication open can do a lot for your relationship.
• Consider getting professional help if you are having a hard time coping.  Speaking with a therapist at Jewish Community Services (410-466-9200) is a great way to start processing this new information.

It may take time for you to fully process the news and you might have a lot of questions. That’s ok. Just don’t forget to continue to assure your loved one that you still love and care about him or her. Each person’s experience will be unique, but these suggestions will help guide you on your journey to understanding something new about the person you love.

By Lauren Carpenter, Access Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles please visit our home page or call 410-466-9200.

Susan Kurlander, Health Educator, Prevention Education, Jewish Community Services

I had gone out shopping while my husband took my daughter out for her first driving experience.  I thought I would come home to find my husband feeling successful and my daughter feeling elated as this eagerly awaited new stage in her development was getting under way.    Instead, I came home to find my husband rocking frantically in our kitchen rocking chair and my daughter sobbing hysterically in her room.  I knew right away that the experience had not been a good one for either of them.   Something would have to change to keep us all on a more even emotional keel.

Many, if not most parents go through trying times when their child comes of age and gets behind the wheel.  Questions begin to invade our thoughts 24/7.

• How much freedom to drive should my child have?
• What consequences should I put in place?
• Is my child ready to accept the responsibilities of driving?

Since we are all well aware of the dangers and risks of driving, especially for new drivers, these safety questions are fundamental.  Some of the more complex questions, however, involve our needing to let go when our children take this next big step.

• Do I see this next stage as my losing control?
• Does my child trust me enough to listen to what I’m saying?
• Do I trust my child enough to allow and even encourage him/her to become more independent?
• How can I stay calm when I am anything but calm?

We tend to accept teen driving as a rite of passage, and we feel that it will take a leap of faith to get us through this potentially stressful time.  However, if we choose to look at teen driving as a process that can be navigated, there are ways to make this process smoother and safely managed. Here are some suggestions:

• Begin talking with your teen about your expectations before the actual driving begins.
• Directly address any hesitation either you or your teen may have related to driving.
• Discuss the financial costs of maintaining a car as well as the increased insurance costs, and together decide if your child should accept any of those costs.  Teens tend to be more responsible if they have financial accountability.
• Make sure your child is aware of some of the natural consequences of driving infractions such as speeding, going through a red light, etc.
• Discuss together some of the logical consequences that will be put in place if rules are not followed.  For example, what does your teen think should happen if a curfew is not met?  Often, teens will impose a harsher consequence than the parents.
• Decide whether or not passengers will be allowed to ride in the car and, if so, will that be immediately or after the new driver has had some experience driving alone.  Some states already have that stipulation in place.

The more the parent and teen can talk about these things together ahead of time, the less stressful and safer the process will be.

Having a new teen driver in the family stirs up a lot of emotion.   Keeping calm may seem to be impossible as your teen begins to navigate the process of gaining experience behind the wheel.  Whether you are in the car or not, it’s easy to become rattled when you think of all the things that could happen.  Just keep in mind:  if you follow some of the suggestions offered here, you won’t feel so helpless.  You may even get to the point where you welcome your teen’s offer to drive Grandma home or go to pick up some groceries.  But during the learning process, there’s always that rocking chair in the kitchen.

By Susan Kurlander, Health Educator, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Questions about parenting?  Send an email to parenttalk@jcsbaltimore.org.  For more information on parenting click here or call 410-466-9200.

Lisa P. Cohn, PHR, Employment Specialist, Career Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Do you want to advance in your career at work?  How about a nice raise or bonus?  Are you looking for a new challenge or interested in learning transferable skills?  Do you want to make some new connections in the business world or attend a conference?  If you have answered “yes” to at least one of these questions, then you should invest in yourself through professional development.

A Hidden Opportunity

Some careers, such as accounting, require professional accreditations; others, like social work, require Continuing Education credits.  For employees who don’t have to meet such requirements, the benefits of seeking out avenues for professional development are not always obvious, and may even seem like an inconvenience that has to be squeezed into a busy schedule.  But, you have the chance to turn this hidden opportunity into a professional advancement opportunity!

Reap personal benefits.

At some point during your career, a job may become routine.  By pursuing professional development, you can avoid boredom and at the same time gain immeasurable benefits.  Professional development helps you enhance your current skills and acquire new ones, as well as advance at work and expand your personal and professional network.  You can make yourself stand out positively in your job or in the community.  And engaging in a new experience will make your job a little more fun, and definitely not routine.

How do I start?

First, make a commitment to yourself to start taking advantage of your own professional development and career choices.  Create a weekly or monthly personal action plan to map out your goals, meetings, networking events and other upcoming activities.  Make yourself accountable for these goals by setting due dates, or by partnering with a peer or friend to help you stay on track with deadlines and goals.

Make professional and social networking a priority.  Join a trade association or industry related group, attend a career development workshop, volunteer in the community, or attend a local conference.  These experiences will help you grow your career.  As a plus, you may qualify for continuing education credits or other professional development certification requirements.  Proactively seek out and attend weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly networking events in your field.    If it’s in your budget, consider enrolling in a class at a local trade school, college, or university.   If you have a packed day, meet a peer, friend, or co-worker during your lunch break.   And if you haven’t yet done so, join LinkedIn, a social professional networking site. (See resource section below.)

Take advantage of the human capital around you.   Build a new relationship, or develop a current one at work or with a peer in your field.  If you are an experienced employee, consider mentoring or coaching a new employee or an individual going through a career transition.  If you are looking for support and encouragement, seek out a mentor or coach at work or through a professional group.  Participate in a committee that you are passionate about at work.  Make an appointment to meet with your Human Resource representative to discuss your professional development, and inquire about helpful work resources, such as career books and training programs.

The road to success

As both a Human Resource and Career Services professional, I see the direct link between employees’ professional development and their increased work satisfaction and personal fulfillment.  When you are actively invested in advancing your own career, the positive energy filters in to other areas of life, including relationships.  While it is important and necessary to concentrate on completing daily job tasks, we also need to focus the same dedication on achieving our goals and actively developing our professional careers.  I challenge you to make your own goals a priority as the first step toward success!

Helpful Online Resources

• www.linkedin.com-  Professional social networking website
• The JCS Entrepreneur and Business Meetup-  Provides current and future business owners with the opportunity to meet other local individuals who want to advance their businesses through monthly round table discussions, networking, collaboration and brainstorming.  For a schedule and pre-registration for upcoming Meetups, visit www.meetup.com/JCSEBM or call 410-843-7433.
• Greater Baltimore Committee (GBC)- Hosts SpeakerNet, a network of regional business and community leaders on the front lines of economic success

By Lisa P. Cohn, PHR, Employment Specialist, Career Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

JCS offers a full range of career services.  For more information about JCS Career services click here or call 410-466-9200.

Joseph Honsberger, LCSW-C, Senior Manager, Therapy Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

How is it that we sometimes feel unheard in our closest relationships?  This is a common complaint of couples.

Communication is extremely important to having a satisfying, intimate, long-term relationship. We often learn that it’s important to tell your partner how you feel or what you think, but we don’t hear as much about how to really listen. Even if we improve our ability to speak directly, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the other person is really listening to what you are saying. Why is that?

How we communicate with those we love is affected by many influences.  For example, our childhood experiences shape our own behavior, whether or not we are aware of it.   Did you ever say, “I sound just like my mother (or my father)”?   Did you hear your parents discussing a problem?  Were they yelling and screaming at each other, or were they calm? Maybe you never even saw them disagreeing about an issue.

Perhaps you have reacted by resolving to avoid yelling when you disagree with your spouse, or never to argue in front of the children.   On the other hand, maybe you’ve chosen to imitate your parents by allowing your children to see that sometimes adults disagree, but they can have a civil discussion about it and come to a resolution.

Gender sometimes plays a role in communication. When working with couples, I often hear the woman saying that she doesn’t feel heard by her husband. And the husband reports that his wife doesn’t listen to his suggestions.  Disconnects sometimes occur because men may focus on solving or fixing a problem, while women tend to want to talk about it and want to know that their partner is listening.

If we are aware of and try to understand each other’s styles of communication, and talk about it, we do not have to stay locked into past patterns.  We can change our mode of communication.

But most importantly, no matter how we communicate, we need to respect our differences and work towards listening to what the other person needs or wants.

If you feel like your partner is not listening when you are talking, it may be helpful to:

• Let him know that you want him to listen and empathize, instead of telling you what he thinks you should do.  If you want suggestions, ask for them.  After all, we can’t expect our partner to be a mind reader.
• Have your partner repeat back in her own words what she heard from you; then you will know if she really understood you.
• What if your partner comes home obviously upset by work but does not want to talk about it right away? Try to put yourself in his shoes and let him have the space he needs.
• Avoid interrupting each other, and wait until your partner has finished talking before you react.  This is a big key to really listening to what someone is saying.

Listening is not always easy, especially when we are angry or stressed.  Even if you follow some of these suggestions, it takes time and practice to become an empathic, attentive listener. These skills can help you and your partner develop a mutual respect that is the basis for meaningful communication, and intimacy.  If you still have been unable to improve your communication and listening skills, it may be time to consult with a therapist or another objective third party to assist you in your quest for a satisfying relationship.

By Joseph Honsberger, LCSW-C, Senior Manager, Therapy Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

To learn more about how JCS can help you solve life’s puzzles please visit our home page or call 410-466-9200.

Karen Schloss, Volunteer Coordinator, Jewish Big Brother Big Sister Matching Program, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore

By Karen Schloss, Match Coordinator

“There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.”*  Stories abound testifying to the miraculous difference a mentor can make in the life of a child or teenager.  Those of us who staff the Jewish Big Brother Big Sister program of Jewish Community Services see these transformations daily.

But the ones who say it best are the parents.  Here is what they are telling us about the positive changes they see in their children as a result of the special friendship with a Big Brother or Big Sister.

“I am sooo thankful for my son’s Big Brother.  He is a positive influence, a friend and a confidant for my son.  They spend time together going to ball games, bowling, hiking, eating and just hanging out.  He has truly made a great difference.”

“Leah really feels special when she goes out with her Big Sister.   She comes home feeling on top of the world—happy, special and appreciated.  She is starting to develop new interests through her Big Sister and is gaining confidence and a more positive attitude.”

Alex’s mother puts it this way, “My son really thrives on the attention and guidance he gets from his Big Brother.  He just loves discovering new things with him.”

“Mike has made a tremendous difference in Todd’s life!   The Big Brother program has allowed Todd to experience what a male role model is all about.  They love going to sporting events, fundraisers and just hanging out.  We are so lucky to be part of this amazing program.”

“I am very fortunate to have Big Brothers for my two sons.  My husband passed away five years ago…. He was matched a few months later and they’re still together.  I did not think I’d be lucky enough to have [my younger son] matched, too. However, he got a Big Brother just over a year ago when he turned seven and has someone “just for him.”  Having male role models for my sons is something I never thought they’d have when they lost their father.”

“My son and I can’t thank Jewish Big Brothers enough for the past eleven years.  When my son was seven, he was matched with a Big Brother, Paul, who has been a consistent friend and role model. Going to lunch on weekends, watching baseball and football games together, having a catch and attending many Big Brother Big Sister sponsored events have been the activities my son looked forward to as he grew up.  Their formal relationship just ended because Jared entered college this fall, but they are in touch with each other ….  We will always be grateful for the support my son received.”

Again and again, parents of children ages 7-17 whom JCS matches with caring mentors tell us about how “Bigs” become special friends and positive role models for their “Littles.”  Just by their getting together a couple of times a month for fun activities, over time, some kind of magic happens in a child’s life.

In the proclamation President Obama issued on January 3, 2012, designating January as National Mentoring Month, he said, “Every day, mentors help young Americans face the challenges of growing into adulthood.  By setting a positive example and sharing their time, knowledge and experience, mentors play an essential role in preparing our Nation’s youth for a bright future.”  The national organization, Mentor, says: “Mentors help build young people’s character and confidence, expand their universe and help them navigate pathways to successful adulthood.  Despite this proven impact, the gap between the number of mentors and the number of young people who need a mentor is still too large.”

If you think your child or the child of someone you know could benefit from having a Big Brother or Sister, or if you’d like to learn more about becoming a “Big,” please contact:

Katie Cohen, Volunteer Coordinator, Jewish Big Brother Big Sister, Jewish Community Services, 410-843-7467,  kcohen@jcsbaltimore.org

*British author Graham Greene

By Karen Schloss, Match Coordinator, Jewish Big Brother Big Sister, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Questions about parenting?  Send an email to parenttalk@jcsbaltimore.org.  For more information on parenting click here or call 410-466-9200.

Marc Englander, Career Coach, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

We hear it everywhere:  “It’s a tough job market….  There are hundreds of applicants for every opening…..  How can I stand out from the crowd? “

With all this competition, there’s another dynamic that you need to know about.  Interviewing has changed.  Chances are, you are not going to have the conventional interview that was common ten years ago.  Today, if you want to be successful in your job search, you’ll need to know about new trends and practices.   The better you understand the interview process, the more likely you are to succeed in being viewed as a desirable candidate.

Alex Freund, “The Landing Expert,” founder of his own career coaching company, writes and teaches career search and interviewing skills.  In a recent webinar, Freund discussed how interviews have changed.*

Employers today choose from a variety of options when interviewing candidates.  You may be interviewed by one or more people who play different roles within the organization, and any of a variety of interview formats may be used.  If you do well on the first round, you may be invited back for a second interview of a different kind.  Being realistic and knowing what the employer’s goals are and what your goals are for each kind of interview will help you make the most of each opportunity.

Who Will Conduct the Interview? Any of the following people may interview you:

• A Human Resources Staff Member

This is typically a very general interview that is the first step in the hiring process.  The interviewer acts as a gatekeeper whose purpose is to determine whether the applicant fits the criteria for the job.   Your goal is to make it to the next level.

Tip: Make sure you state how you fit all the qualifications mentioned in the job description.

• The Hiring Manager

Sometimes called the recruitment manager, this is the person who makes the final decision about who will be hired for a specific position.  It could be the boss, a department director, or someone in HR.  In this interview, your goal is to communicate your skills and qualifications for the job.

Tip: At the end of the interview, the applicant usually will be asked, “Do you have any questions?”  Take this opportunity to showcase your abilities.  If this question is not asked, take the initiative: speak up and summarize your qualifications, stressing how you could benefit the organization.

• A Multi-Person Panel

Being interviewed by several people at once can be intimidating and challenging.  The good news is that you probably wouldn’t have been invited for this kind of interview unless you are considered “in the running” for the position.

Tips: Find out in advance who will be on the interview panel.   Note their names and positions within the company. Then look on their websites or their Linked-in profiles.  If you are not given their names in advance, it is considered proper and professional to ask for that information.

Instead of panning back and forth to address the group, look and speak directly to only one person at a time on the panel.   Try practicing this way of speaking with some of your family or friends in advance.

What Interview Format Will Be Used?

In addition to, or in place of, the standard face-to-face interview, other formats are being used today:

• The Phone Interview

Telephone interviews are done to save time and cost to the company.  They typically last for 10- 20 minutes, sometimes longer.  The goal is to select a few of the best candidates from many applicants.  The person conducting the phone interview will determine whether you progress to the next level.  Since you can’t be seen, you need to compensate and shine your brightest.

Tips: Use a land-line phone, not a cell phone, to avoid any technical problems.   To project your voice well, stand up while speaking on the phone.   Post your resume and two minute elevator speech on the wall right next to your phone.

• The Video Interview

Video interviewing (Skyping) is becoming a common practice because it adds the advantage of a visual image.  However, it’s only as good as the technology being used.

Tips: Direct eye contact is very important, so practice first.  Set up your computer in front of an uncluttered background to avoid distracting the interviewer.   Wear plain clothing — no multi-colors or stripes.  Beware of background noises and avoid interference from pets and children.

• Interviewing on Your PC (Personal Computer)

This interview is automated, without a human being monitoring at the time of the interview.  You will be instructed to open a link, and you may see an automated image of a person asking questions.  Typically you’ll be asked about five questions and given about two minutes to type in your answer to each question.  You will be have an opportunity to review and revise your answers before submitting them. The whole interview takes about ten minutes.

Tips: Since the PC interview is timed, express yourself clearly and succinctly, covering all key points.  Be sure to proofread and spellcheck your responses.  Typos and other errors detract from your professional image.

Some aspects of the interview process are beyond your control.  If it doesn’t always go your way, don’t blame yourself.  Preparing for an interview with realistic expectations and strategies will help you make the best impression you can.

By Marc Englander, Career Coach, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

*Parts of this blog are summarized and excerpted from “Interviewing in the 21^st Century,” a Webinar on 11/21/2011, with permission of Alex Freund.  To learn more, visit www.landingexpert.com or http://landingexpert.posterous.com, email alex@landingexpert.com

For more tips on successful interviews, see these blogs by Jewish Community Services Career Services professionals:  “How to follow up after an interview,” by Tova Jaffee (7/19/2011) and “Illegal questions in interviews,” by Tracey Paliath (7/5/2011).

JCS offers a full range of career services.  For more information about JCS Career services click here or call 410-466-9200.

Rachelle Varon, LCSW-C, Therapy Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

You have no idea how many times I’ve heard that if you’re not from Baltimore, it’s hard to find new friends, a companion and a niche.  Does the fact that so many people have that experience make it true? Yes and no.  As a transplant myself to this area, my perception is that Baltimore is a city of neighborhoods where people seem to stay put, where generations may live within a block or two of each other. On the other hand, I don’t believe that making new friends as an adult is any more difficult in Baltimore than it is in any big city these days. People are in such a hurry and have so many commitments that we assume that they don’t have time or interest in making a new friend.  But I don’t believe this is as common as we think.

So what can you do to get connected? Here are some tips.

Get out of your house/apartment/condo/dorm room. Whether it’s Mr. or Miss Right or your new BFF, they’re not going to come knocking on the door (unless you live in the world of romantic comedies).

Figure out what interests you and find others who might share that interest:

• Take a class at the JCC, the senior center, the community college, a university or cultural institution, the nearby dance studio.
• Go to a lecture, a performance, an exhibit, a coffee shop, library, or bookstore.
• Join a book club, a theater group, a religious congregation, a professional organization.
• Volunteer for a community activity: staff the phones for a fund drive, help build a house, set up a community garden. Even if you don’t find that special friend, you’re involved in doing something meaningful to help others.
• Check the free newspapers, the Sun, the internet, local TV to find out what’s going on around town.

Smile and say hello.  Don’t wait for the other person to initiate; ask a question, make conversation, even if you’re never going to see the person again.  We all appreciate a smile.

• Look for other transplants to Baltimore.  They will probably be as eager as you are to make a new friend and learn what our community has to offer.
• Reach out to people you already know.  Spontaneity is fun at times, but don’t rely on it.  Don’t wait until the last minute to make plans with people or you may be spending more time alone than you want to.
• Challenge the belief that you can’t have fun if you do something on your own.  It’s sometimes easier to make a new friend when you go someplace alone because you are more open to meeting people and talking to someone who doesn’t know you.   If you’ve enjoyed the interaction, see if the person is interested in getting together again
• Challenge the belief that you need to have a lot of money.  An advantage of living in a big city is that there is always something to do that is free.  Take a bus, split the gas, go after lunch and before dinner.  There are many ways to have fun on a limited budget..

We all need companionship and we all need to feel part of a community.  If you are new to the area, a great resource is Shalom Baltimore.  Whether you’ve recently moved here or are newly on your own, making the effort to get out and involved is worth it.  Before long, you will feel you “belong” and will discover new friends, interests, and experiences.

By Rachelle Varon, LCSW-C, Therapy Services, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Jewish Community Services professionals offer counseling, support and many other services to help you solve life’s puzzles.  Call 410-466-9200 or visit our website, www.jcsbaltimore.org.