By Robin Sweeney

Robin Sweeney, Health Educator, Prevention Education, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore

Remember the comedy movie “Home Alone,” when the parents went on a family vacation and forgot their 8-year-old son? Kevin was left to fend for himself, and he proved to be self-reliant, remarkably independent, and incredibly ingenious as he successfully defended his home against ridiculous intruders.  Probably not the ideal first “home alone” experience you’d envision for your child.

As parents, we love to cheer for our children as they develop and reach new levels of independence, such as walking, riding a bike, reading and writing. Today, with so many working parents and the rising cost of after school care, more children are staying home alone after school.  Necessity puts them on a path toward a level of independence that can be both exciting and anxiety producing.  Unlike when our children are ready to begin walking or reading, we actually have some control over deciding when it is OK to take this next step, yet it can be a struggle for many parents. And since children mature at different rates, there is no set age that is appropriate for all children.

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that approximately 15% of children under the age of 15 are alone after school an average of at least 6 hours per week.  Only 2 states, Maryland and Illinois, have laws specifically on this issue.  Maryland’s law states that a child under 8 cannot be left alone, and a child must be at least 13 to care for another child.

There are other important matters to consider besides the legal issues.  The following questions can help you decide if having your child stay home alone is a reasonable choice:

• Does your child obey rules and make good decisions?
• How does your child feel about being home alone- comfortable or fearful?
• Is your child able to unlock and lock the doors of your home on his own?
• Is your child able to do simple tasks on her own, like getting a snack or taking phone messages?
• How many children in your household will be home alone? Some children may be ready to care for themselves, but not ready to take on the responsibility for younger siblings.

Once you’ve made the decision to allow your child to stay home alone after school, here are some helpful tips:

Discuss the rules. Be sure your child understands what is allowed and not allowed when you are not home. You may want to create a list of several chores or activities, such as setting the table for dinner and doing a certain amount of homework.  Will other children be allowed to come over while you are not home?  Make your expectations clear and decide how your child will be accountable.

Rehearse a few situations. Ask your child to pretend you are not home, let himself in the house, get a snack, and anything else he would typically do after school. Review safety issues, such as basic first aid and when and how to call 911. Also be sure he knows where you keep a list of several phone numbers (with yours first) of trusted adults he can call if necessary.

Try a couple of practice runs. Start off by leaving your child home while you take a walk or visit a neighbor for a short period of time. Have her talk about the experience with you and address any concerns.

Touch base. Decide on how you want to check in with each other. For example, have your child call you when he gets home or after he completes assigned chores.  Let your child know when you expect to be home, and call if you’re going to be delayed. Of course you can always show up earlier.

Most people would probably agree that raising responsible and independent children is within the job description for being a good parent. For many children, staying home alone after school can be an important step towards maturing and self-reliance. While there are certainly emotional and practical safety issues to consider, spending time alone can provide an essential and rewarding opportunity for children to practice new skills and gain autonomy.

http://law.justia.com/codes/maryland/2005/gfl/5-801.html (Maryland Family Law Article, 5-801)

http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/home/home_alone.html

http://kidshealth.org/kid/watch/house/homealone.html# (helpful for kids just starting to stay home alone)

By Robin Sweeney, Health Educator, Prevention Education, Jewish Community Services, Baltimore, MD

Questions about parenting?  Send an email to parenttalk@jcsbaltimore.org.  For more information on parenting click here or call 410-466-9200.